Tonight
It’s been nearly a year, blog.
Hi.
How have you been? Tonight I needed a confidant, so i came to you. You’re perfect in that way. You don’t talk back. You just listen. You wait patiently for me to come back after taking long hiatuses, and you don’t judge me. You’re just here waiting. Waiting for my shitty little emotional breakdowns that seem life altering, but in actuality are nothing more than a simple blog entry.
Here we are. It’s a Sunday night, and I’m alone in my odd smelling apartment with two dogs. One that scratches his ass on the carpet and the other that barks at a flea fart. I’ve had a little wine, but not enough for this to be embarrassing and I sit staring at my computer with three tabs open. One for Facebook (as per usual), another for gmail with Barak chatting with me to say not give up, and Craigslist telling me what jobs and apartments are available in Chicago.
I’ve recently come back from a trip to the midwest, and it’s left me questioning a lot of what I’m doing with my life. What am I doing after all? I’m working at a shitstorm of a dead end job with a boss that didn’t even know my name for the first year I worked there (mind you, there are eight employees in this company), my love life is in shambles for reasons that are both in and out of my control, the few auditions I get called in for I certainly do not book and I have no sense of home here.
Is what I leave there worth coming back to what I have here? I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe it’s the holidays. Maybe it’s realizing the amount of unconditional love I have waiting for me between Chicago and Indianapolis. Maybe it’s being a twenty something that is nowhere near having it all figured out.
The only thing that isn’t a maybe at this point is that I don’t know. I just don’t know.
